Going to the funeral of a loved one can be among the most stressful and upsetting things one has to do, and the immediate family members have deep needs within their grief at funeral services. They may ask those who knew and cared for the deceased to deliver a eulogy. If you find yourself writing a eulogy to help with the funeral planning of a loved one, you may want to start by knowing what to avoid in the eulogy.
Never Speak for Anyone Except Yourself
Without discussing it with other members of the family, some people phrase eulogies in such a way that it seems that like the speaker is a representative of the entire family. Play it safe and be very clear that the eulogy is from your perspective and given out of your own love for the deceased.
Never Roast the Deceased
Although you may have had the type of relationship where teasing was always in order, it is never okay to roast a deceased person at their funeral. The bereaved likely put a lot into the funeral planning, and this event is the last chance they have to say goodbye to their loved one. Jokes, especially at the deceased's expense, are not okay unless specifically requested by the family.
Never Make It All About You
When you are delivering a eulogy, it's a good idea to deliver personal anecdotes and your favorite memories of the deceased. However, avoid focusing all of the eulogy on you and what you are feeling. Bring each story back to praising the deceased or revealing something special about the person's character.
Never Give Away the Cause of Death
Whether the person died from natural causes or things that still have a stigma, such as suicide, it is not your place to reveal the cause of death in a eulogy. Instead, focus on the positive way that the person lived instead of the way they died.
Never Try to Wing It
One of the biggest mistakes to make when giving a eulogy is trying to wing it. Instead, plan it carefully and rehearse your speech. According to The New York Times, you should write what you want to say down ahead of time. Once you have something solid on paper, read it aloud several times and be sure to jot it down on note cards the day of the funeral service. When you get up in front of fellow mourners, emotions may be overwhelming, so you need the words in front of you, just in case.
Finally, every eulogy needs to be unique to the person you are honoring. As such, sometimes the rules need to be broken. However, without first making absolutely sure that the above bold actions would be okay with those who knew the deceased best, never commit any of these faux pas in a eulogy.
For more information, contact professionals like Bolton & Lunsford Funeral Homes.
Share26 May 2016
Following the death of my grandfather, I found myself in the awkward position of having to write the obituary. I wanted to capture the spirit of him and list everything he was proud of in his life, including his family and work accomplishments. However, at the same time, I knew that I had a limited amount of space to work with. After spending hours researching obituaries, I finally felt confident in my skills and proceeded to write my grandfather's. In my opinion, it was perfect. Writing an obituary while you are grieving your loss is challenging, but I hope that my website helps you write one for your loved one that helps capture who they were as a person.